when will i be the GOOD child? NEVER.

every family has a certain way of living, true? by "certain way of living" i mean, they limit their actions in a way that they think would be "understandable" by each member of their family. like a code, a "FAMILY CODE". that's how the word BLACK SHEEP was formed/invented/created (whatever), 'cause once that "FAMILY CODE" is broken, the whole family FREAKS OUT. and i mean FREAKS OUT.

i am the black sheep in my family. and i can never take that back. EVER. even if i have 3 (not ONE, but THREE) spoiled, immature, selfish, arrogant, imbacile, numb, insensitive cousins. i will still and forever be the BLACK SHEEP, why? because i broke the "family code". my lifestyle is different from theirs. they mind what other people think while i don't. they backstab people while i prefer to be frank. they limit their actions, while i act freely. i make my choices for me, while they decide to suite others' opinion/choice.

and another thing. i have the perfect brother, which everyone adores. treated like a baby, looked-up to like an angel. once hurt, everyone will crash and burn. especially when im the cause. you see, my parents never saw me the same way, since i tend to break the "family code" oh so often (LOL). even my relatives don't see me the same way. to them, i am the problem child. the child who, unfortunately, disappoints everyone in the end. and so, i am always the first one blamed, judged, and stared at. without a chance to explain, they throw mean, hurtful words at me. not even thinking that i, too, get hurt every once in a while. and when they run out of words to say, they stare at me, with their eyes like blades, stabbing me right through my soul.

shit this life sucks. scratch that.

i just realized, i am PROUD to be the black sheep. why? because i am able to live for me. and not the way they want me to live. i am able to enjoy life. i choose to rock, and ROCK HARD! peace out boys!